Building Trust in Yourself - zen habits zen habits
Building Trust in Yourself
I find that almost all problems are a breakdown in trusting ourselves.
If we could trust ourselves fully, so many things become effortless.
Let me give some examples of where we don’t trust ourselves:
Procrastination: We procrastinate when we think we can’t handle the stress or difficulty of one or more tasks, or we don’t trust ourselves to handle any bad outcomes we fear from doing those tasks (people judging our work, for example). If we trusted ourselves completely, we could just do the task and deal with the stress that comes from it, and deal with whatever comes after.
Overwork: We work hard often with hopes of clearing our todo list or inbox, and getting a sense of peace if we finish everything (which never comes). We don’t trust ourselves to handle the work in future days, and don’t trust that the work we’ve put in by the end of a reasonable work day is enough.
Social media addiction: The urge to constantly check social media (or other distracting websites) is usually driven by a fear of taking on harder tasks, or a fear of missing out. If we trusted ourselves completely, we could calm those fears while taking on our more important tasks or taking care of ourselves better.
Lack of exercise: While we might want to exercise, it’s something we put off, often because of a fear that we won’t get all our tasks done, because of fear of missing out on things like social media, or because of fear of the discomfort of the exercise itself. If we fully trusted ourselves, we could take on the discomfort and joy of exercise, while trusting that we could get to the work and social media later.
Overwhelm: When we’re overwhelmed, we don’t trust ourselves to be able to handle all the things that are in front of us. If we fully trusted ourselves, we would trust that we could choose one thing from the list, be fully in that task, and then take on the next after that. And deal with whatever situation arises, one thing at a time.
Obviously, this isn’t a comprehensive list of problems you might have, but I’m hoping you can start to see where self-trust is the key factor in all of the above, and many other problems.
So if that’s true … how do we develop trust in ourselves? Let’s first look at what’s possible if we fully trust ourselves, then look at how to develop that trust.
What’s Possible with Full Trust
If we fully trust ourselves, life becomes so much easier. We can step into the unknown, out of our comfort zone, take risks, and act with confidence. We can ask for what we want, and trust that it’s OK to want something. We can choose from the heart, and trust the heart’s desire.
Here are some things that become possible with full trust:
We can choose what we feel called to work each day, at the beginning of the day, so that we line up our day with our priorities.
We can trust ourselves to choose the next task from the list, from our hearts. Then trust ourselves by taking that task on with full devotion, trusting that we’ll get to the rest later.
We trust ourselves to handle any situation that arises, any consequence from our choices. If someone is upset or disappointed with us, we trust ourselves to deal with that. If we feel sadness or frustration, we trust ourselves to deal with that. The future, then, becomes less stressful because we trust that we can deal with anything that comes.
When we have an overwhelming number of things in front of us, we trust ourselves to choose one thing, and deal with that.
We trust ourselves to fully take on difficult things like exercise, difficult tasks, difficult conversations, meditation, and more, because we know we can be with whatever stress is there.
We begin to create a life of impact, because we’re taking on the things that are impactful and important.
We create a life where we are taking care of ourselves, because we’re trusting that it’s OK that we can take care of ourselves.
We create the ability to have difficult conversations, because we trust ourselves in those convos. Our relationships get better, and we’re less stressed by whatever the other person is doing.
That’s just the start. More trust leads to us being able to fully be ourselves, and our lives become more alive, more relaxed, more joyous, more effortless.
How to Develop Trust in Ourselves
So how do we develop that kind of trust? With intentional practice.
Pick one area where you aren’t trusting yourself, and set an intention to practice:
Procrastination: take on one task at a time. Trust yourself to take on that task, even for 2 minutes. You don’t have to finish, just start. With practice, you’ll go longer, up to 30 minutes. That’s enough for this practice.
Overwhelm: Make a list of tasks. Practice choosing one, and taking it one. Trust yourself to deal with the rest later, and practice just taking that one task on at a time.
Urges and addictions: Cut yourself off from the urge/addiction for 3 days. Practice trust in yourself to deal with the stress that results from not indulging. Find other, healthier ways to deal with that stress: meditate, exercise, go for a walk, talk to a friend or therapist.
Difficult convos: Make a list of the difficult conversations you’ve been putting off. Practice trust by reaching out to the easiest one on the list and asking for a few minutes (in person or over the phone). Don’t rehearse the convo, don’t let yourself overthink it. Just show up, and practice talking with this person, trusting yourself to navigate without overthinking. Practice trust by being mindfully with any emotion that comes up, for you or them. Repeat this once a day.
These are where I would start. The practice of developing trust is a lifelone one. Beyond this, I would suggest you get some support — reach out to me if you’d like to work with me as a 1-on-1 coach, I’m here for that work!
From https://zenhabits.net/
Widening Our Awareness
When we think we might mess up in some way — fail at a project, embarrass ourselves in a meeting or difficult conversation, drop the ball and let people down — two things happen:
The body physically tightens up; and
Our awareness narrows.
To be clear, this happens all day long — whether it's with work tasks or emails, or personal messages or relationships, we're worried we're not going to do things right, and we tighten up and narrow our awareness.
You might notice these two things right now, in this moment: is your body tightened up? If so, your awareness is probably narrowed down to a very small focus.
Try this: open your awareness to a much larger focus, becoming aware of the entire room. All the space around you. The light, the air, the sounds, colors, textures, objects. Notice your body in the space as well, but just as a part of everything in the room.
Then breathe and relax whatever might be tight in your body.
What happens for you? Do you notice a greater ease?
You can do this no matter what you're doing, even if you're typing or reading on a computer or phone. You can expand awareness and relax the body in any conversation, as you wash a dish or brush your teeth, as you drive or walk.
Practice it and see what you notice. :)
with love,
Leo Babauta
Zen Habits
From https://zenhabits.net/
5 Stoic & Zen Practices That I Believe In
I believe in finding powerful practices for transformation wherever we can find them. And the Stoic philosophers Epictetus, Marcus Aurelius, Seneca are huge inspirations for me.
I've found there to be a huge overlap between Stoicism and Zen Buddhism, even if there are also some key differences. The overlap between Zen & Stoicism are things I share below, and they are powerful practices.
1. What We Control
One of the main Stoic principles is to focus on what you can control, and let go of what you can't. And most of life is what we can't control: other people's opinions and actions, the weather, world events for the most part, accidents, loss. Too often we let those things affect our happiness, even if we can't do anything about them.
Think about how often you get frustrated or stressed by something you can't control. What if you declared that that was none of your business — your business instead is focusing on doing your best in the present moment.
Zen also focuses on doing your best in the present moment, from a place of compassion. I find this focus to be simple, powerful, and liberating.
2. Reminder of Death
The Stoics would remind themselves that they were going to die, on a regular basis. Buddhists do this too — one branch of Buddhists will meditate in a graveyard for this purpose, something that I do as well.
Life is short and precious, and we take it for granted. We need to remind ourselves of this often, so that we can make the most of each day, and each moment.
3. Loving What Is
The Stoics didn't use the term "amor fati" (that was Nietzsche) but Marcus Aurelius and Epictetus definitely espoused the idea that we should embrace what is actually happening rather than what we wish things would be.
Epictetus: "Don't seek to have events happen as you wish, but wish them to happen as they do happen, and all will be well with you."
This is a Zen idea as well, to embrace reality as it is, and the ways we suffer are based on wanting things to be different.
What if you could learn to love each moment, exactly as it is? To do this, you have to find the beauty in life as it happens. Start with the easy moments (a quiet morning, a nice cup of tea, seeing the face of someone you love) and then slowly work towards more difficult ones (someone is being negative, you have a difficult task before you). Leave the hardest things as an advanced challenge for later (death, illness, war).
4. Contemplate Misfortune
Seneca had a practice called "premeditatio malorum," or contemplating adversity in advance, where you would visualize all the bad things that would happen to you, as a rehearsal.
For example, if you're about to take a trip, you might imagine all the things that could go wrong — you forgot your passport, you lost your luggage, you got robbed, you got lost, you got sick. Actually visualize all of these things happening. And imagine that they aren't traumatic, but neutral — there's no problem. Maybe you actually loved the experience!
Then, if any of them actually did happen ... then you're prepared. Nothing can happen to you that's worse than what you've already experienced in the contemplation! You've already gone through it all.
In this way, we have prepared ourselves, like putting ourselves into ice cold water to prepare for swimming in the Atlantic.
The Zen tradition is more about present-moment meditation ... but in a way, when we meditate, we are facing everything that comes up for us in the present moment (boredom, distraction, discomfort, frustration, etc.) and so when the same things (inevitably) come up for us later, we've already faced them.
5. A Higher Perspective
There's a way I like to visualize taking a "God's-eye view" of humanity — looking down on all of humankind, like we're the size of ants.
This kind of bigger perspective reminds me that:
My problems are actually small, even if they seem big; and
We are all interconnected, even if it feels we're alone.
This makes my life easier.
The Stoics called this the "higher view." In Zen, we practice reminding ourselves of our interconnectedness. It's the "truth" of reality (as opposed to having a separate self) that helps us to feel connected and compassionate.
These practices help me tremendously in my life. They are liberating and motivating at the same time. And they take practice — a lifetime's worth.
with love,
Leo Babauta
Zen Habits
From https://zenhabits.net/
Moments of Beauty
For many of us, our days are filled with overwhelm, busyness, frustration, stress. This is human and understandable.
But too often we're focused so much on the negative — a bias of the human mind, to be fair. This focus on the negative gives us a more stressful, negative experience of each day.
What would it be like to shift the focus to the beauty of each day?
Things that make you smile.
Things you're grateful for.
Appreciation of the beauty of each moment.
A feeling of connection to the people around you.
Appreciation of all the support you get in your life.
Moments of transcendence.
An opportunity to dance, sing, play.
Opportunities to bring curiosity.
The loveliness of silence and stillness.
Little moments of love.
May you allow yourself to be awakened to the beauty in each moment, and may your day be filled with love.
with love,
Leo Babauta
Zen Habits
From https://zenhabits.net/
Overcoming the Fear of Aging
Last year, I turned 50 years old ... and I found myself thinking about aging more than I ever had before. To be clear, 50 years old is still pretty young, but there's something about the number that had me realizing that my 60s and 70s aren't very far away, and it was a bit confronting to me.
After all, I'd spent most of my life thinking that growing old was something to fear. It's a cultural assumption that goes deep into our society — beliefs that being old means you are feeble, weak, helpless, irrelevant. I know that that isn't really true — but we're constantly given cultural messages that it is true.
So when I turned 50, I spent some time sitting with this. What does it mean to me to grow older? What are my fears? What are my prejudices? How do I want my older years to be?
As an exercise, I highly recommend that you start to notice your own biases about aging and being old, and notice how often people around you (and in the media you consume) talk about aging as if it's a bad thing. The word "old" is used as an insult. If you say you're old, other people will tell you, "Oh, you're not old yet" as if you were insulting yourself. Or, "It's OK, you don't look old." Or, "You look young for your age!" These are meant to be reassuring, because being old is assumed to be bad.
It's all around us. And when everyone and everything we encounter treats being old, and aging, as something bad, then of course we're going to fear it. It's similar to old cultural messages about being overweight, being gay, or having a mental disability. These are all turned into insults, which means if we are any of these things, we are meant to feel ashamed.
Let's rebel against all of that! Reclaim being old, reclaim aging. If we can change these messages, at least to ourselves, then the fear and shame lose their power over us.
So here are some things I've done in the past 18 months to transform my relationship to aging:
I started noticing my own biases against aging and old age. And started noticing it in the way others talk about aging and being old.
I started pointing this hidden agism out to others, lovingly. And changing my language around all of it.
I started seeing people who are empowered in their old age — athletes, Nobel prize winners, incredible artists, people who are pillars in their communities, monks and sages, gardeners and house builders. I started seeing them as my models.
I started envisioning how I want to be in my older years. Empowered, compassionate, creative, adventurous, learning, expanding. Gentle, kind, and curious.
I began to sit with my fears of being powerless. This is the hidden beast underneath our fears about aging — none of us want to feel powerless, and yet we are all descending into helplessness eventually. So I found places where I already feel powerless, and began to bring compassion to myself whenever I feel it.
I see every challenge that will come to me in old age — physical, mental, emotional, relational, career, spiritual — as exactly the edge for me to practice with, when they come. My strength and wisdom will only deepen as I encounter these challenges, as they have with all of my challenges so far.
And with this, I now feel so in love with growing older!
It's a magical thing, living into this new chapter of my life. I feel more patient, more compassionate, more connected to others, than ever before. And I look forward to the adventure that awaits me as my body and mind and spirit continue to evolve.
I wish you all love as you progress in your journeys as well.
with love,
Leo Babauta
Zen Habits
From https://zenhabits.net/
There's Not Enough Time
Sometimes we decide not to do something because it feels like there's not enough time to do the task — it will take me 2 hours to work on that task, and I only have 20 minutes, so why bother starting?
We do this kind of thing more than we realize — there's not enough time to finish this, so why start? I don't know if I'll ever finish it, so why bother?
This feeling of pointlessness is one of our biggest obstacles.
It feels pointless, so why try? Why even start?
This equates the value of trying with the outcome of the activity. In this thinking, it's only worthwhile if we finish, if we succeed. This diminishes our efforts, because it means trying is only worth it if we get the outcome we want.
What if there's value in trying, no matter what the outcome?
What if putting ourselves into something is valuable because it expands us, because we learn, or because the activity itself is worth savoring?
What if we start a task and only do it for 20 minutes, and leave it unfinished, and that's OK? Maybe starting it will move the ball forward in a meaningful way. Maybe not — maybe just starting is a good practice in and of itself, because then we're practicing overcoming our initial resistance.
Learn to notice this thinking when it shows up: it's not worth starting, it's not worth trying, what's the point?
And then find the deeper meaning for yourself, and overcome this bias of pointlessness.
with love,
Leo Babauta
From https://zenhabits.net/
The Practice of Examining Our Beliefs
There's a practice that I find to be really valuable, and I call it "Examining Beliefs."
If you regularly engage with this, it will transform you.
Let's say there's something you want to do but you feel stuck — maybe you're procrastinating a lot, maybe you're stuck in an old habit. The practice starts with trying to discover the thought or belief that causes your action (or inaction).
For example:
I don't want to do this because I'm going to do a bad job (belief: I'm going to do a bad job)
I'm dreading doing this because it'll be boring (belief: it's going to be boring)
I don't want to do this because it'll be really hard and uncomfortable (belief: it'll be too hard/uncomfortable)
As you might expect, these beliefs don't help you to achieve your goals.
You might also examine any beliefs that cause you to be frustrated or resentful with someone else:
They shouldn't behave that way
They don't love/respect me
They don't support me
These beliefs cause you to feel unhappy with someone.
So what can we do once we discover the belief? Examine it, and then if we like, practice letting it go.
How to Examine the Belief
If you can't uncover the belief that's holding you back or making you unhappy ... get into a conversation with someone else who can help you see what you can't see. (If you'd like to work with me as a coach, apply for my 1-on-1 coaching.)
Once you've uncovered the belief, here's how to examine it ... ask these questions:
What effect does the belief have on me and my life? Does it make you take action, take care of yourself, or act in line with your intentions? Does it make you avoid, or look for faults, or get frustrated? If you think something will be boring, are you more likely to see it as boring (i.e. seeing through the lens of your belief)? Get clear on what effects this belief has on you.
Is the belief really true? It might seem really true ... but is it true? And if you say, "Yes, it's true" ... then ask yourself, "Can I be absolutely sure it's true?" The idea is to question the absolute truth of the belief ... because if we can see that there's even the possibility that it's not true, then maybe we can begin to consider letting it go.
What would it be like without this belief? Imagine what it would feel like if you didn't have this belief. Can you imagine it? If so, what you're experiencing is a moment where you're free.
Once you've gone through this practice of examining the belief ... ask yourself if you'd like to practice with letting the belief go.
How to Practice Letting Go
First, you have to notice when you are being influenced by the belief — when it's operating on you. If you're frustrated with someone, or avoiding something, for example ... then the belief is operating on you. Notice that it's happening.
Now ask yourself: what would it be like in this moment without the belief?
Imagine that you could just ... "Poof!" ... have the belief disappear. Imagine that you are free right now. It should feel more peaceful, more liberated.
Now try to take action from this freedom. Try to live life, with this freedom.
This is the practice of Examining Beliefs. If you seriously engage with it, you will unlock your life.
with love,
Leo Babauta
Procrastination can feel like an endless cycle—no matter how hard we push ourselves or how many productivity hacks we try, we often find ourselves stuck in the same patterns. But what if the solution lies not in doing more, but in understanding why we’re avoiding and resisting certain tasks?
In this week's episode, Leo dives deep into the true nature of procrastination, uncovering its roots in fear, uncertainty, and self-doubt. He shares mindful techniques and practical strategies to help us transform resistance into a source of growth and productivity.
Tune in to learn how embracing self-compassion can help us break the cycle of procrastination and approach our tasks with more intention and clarity.
From https://zenhabits.net/
How We Shrink from Life
It starts by pulling away from something because it feels too hard, too overwhelming.
Maybe we don't want to go to an event because we're feeling tired and we don't feel we can handle it. Maybe we don't want to have a difficult conversation because it feels too uncomfortable. Maybe we put off doing a hard task because it holds a lot of uncertainty.
There's nothing wrong with any of that! It's OK to not always push ourselves, to take rest and to give ourselves self-care.
But if we don't intentionally push back into the discomfort at some point ... then we continue to contract from life.
The next time we're faced with discomfort, overwhelm, difficulty, uncertainty ... we might choose to pull away, avoid. And then again.
And soon our life shrinks, so that things that seemed doable before now seem impossible.
This is the natural process of contraction. It shrinks our lives, smaller and smaller.
We don't have to give in to this process of shrinking our lives.
We can intentionally put ourselves into discomfort and uncertainty, just a little at a time. Acclimatize ourselves. Every day — when we are able.
Sometimes we need to rest, and replenish. But then we should commit to doing something difficult or scary, even the smallest amount. Every day we can.
That's how we fight back, and expand.
with love,
Leo Babauta
Zen Habits
From https://zenhabits.net/
What Happens When You Walk or Run Daily, Without Tech
Each day, I try to get outside for a walk or run (or other sport like cycling or basketball), and my debate with myself is often whether to bring my phone and earbuds to listen to music, a podcast, an audiobook ... or to go tech-free.
Tech-free is my favorite option — and I'd like to share why.
I do love listening to audiobooks and podcasts. I've had many hours of running or walking listening and learning, and I think it's a valuable way to spend my time. So much goodness from this.
I also love music, whether it's grooving to old tunes or exploring new stuff, dancing to what my kids listen to ... it lifts my heart.
But going without technology is my favorite of all, and I only recently rediscovered this classic joy.
Without technology, I feel more present, more open to experiences in the world. I feel more connected to nature. I don't miss out on little kids playing in the park in ways that make me smile. Life is more wondrous, in full color.
And what's more, I do my best thinking while on technology-free walks and runs. My best ideas come to me. I solve my toughest problems. I have deeper reflections on my own experiences. This is more valuable than 100 audiobooks.
Finally, and maybe even most importantly, I get out of the bubble of my comfort. Most of us are connected to technology all day long, from the moment we wake up. Maybe we have some disconnected time in little pockets, like showering or cooking (although even there, some people listen to music), but even while eating, working out, commuting, we tend to be connected to our devices. I don't think technology is bad — it empowers so much good — but I do think we tend to use it as a comfort bubble to insulate us from the world. Getting out of that bubble daily is one of the most important things we can do, so we don't shrink our capacity to be with life as it is. And believe me, I've seen it shrinking in many people.
What would it be like to have a daily time to be fully connected to the world, and out of your comfort zone?
with love,
Leo Babauta
Zen Habits
From https://zenhabits.net/
Expanding Beyond Our Old Self-View
When we're looking to grow, what we're really trying to do is step into a new, expanded view of ourselves.
For example, if you want to be more mindful, or live more simply, or be more compassionate with yourself or others, or be more disciplined about your meaningful work ... these are all new versions of you. They're expanded beyond your old way of seeing yourself.
We're constantly trying to expand beyond an old identity: when we try something new, or try to grow in our relationships, or try to quit a bad habit ... what we're really doing is trying to shed our old self-view.
Unfortunately, the old self-view has a gravity to it, that tries to constantly pull us back into the old way.
So in some of the examples above, you might see:
Be more mindful — the old way of going through your life mindlessly pulls you back in by having you get pulled into distractions, habitual patterns, etc.
Living simply — the old way of living a cluttered life tries to keep you there by having fear stop you from decluttering, or by having fear try to have you shop on impulse.
Be more disciplined — your old procrastinator self will put up resistance to that discipline, and have you want to avoid anything difficult or overwhelming.
Try something new — your old comfortable self will throw up lots of resistance and thoughts to have you put off trying the new thing and feeling bad or awkward at it.
Quit a bad habit — your old self will tell you, "Just this once won't hurt" or "Why are you making yourself suffer" or "You deserve this reward" so that you stay in the comfort of the bad habit.
So the old identity tries to keep us in what we know. How do we expand beyond it?
Here's what I've found.
1: Set the intention of an expanded self
Let's imagine that you weren't limited by your old identity — who do you want to be? What would you like to do that feels a bit impossible? It can be something small ("I want to wake up a little earlier"), or it can be a massive shift for you ("I want to put my creative work out into the world in a bold way").
Set this intention. Get clear on why this matters to you.
Then commit yourself to the actions that this expanded self would take.
2: Practice the actions and being
The shift in your self-view will come as you take actions that are outside of the old limited self-view. If your old identity is that you are an introvert, but now you're talking to strangers every day ... the old identity can't survive.
So commit to taking the actions every day — or at least, most days, because it's OK to give yourself breaks. The practice the expanded self-view by taking those actions as much as possible.
It will likely be hard, because you'll be pulled back by your old identity (see next section) ... but practice doing them anyway!
And as you do the actions, practice the expanded way of being as an inner state. For example, maybe you want to be more joyful as you do your work — then practice that joyfulness!
3: Notice when & how you're getting pulled back
The old identity will try to pull you back every time you step outside of how you've always known yourself. If you want to speak in public, each time you sign up to do a talk, your mind will give you a bunch of reasons why you should cancel.
This is fear in action. It's a bodily sensation of fear, resistance, dread, overwhelm. It's also a series of thoughts — rationalizations ("It's OK to skip it this once") and mental gymnastics ("Life is too short to put yourself through this").
Just notice all of this. Take notes! Get curious.
4: Give yourself compassion, but keep practicing
When you notice all of this, it's simply fear in action. Just give your fear a bit of compassion. Breathe. Be understanding and loving.
Then take a small action, if you can. Just a tiny bit. Even that will create an opening for a new way of seeing yourself.
From https://zenhabits.net/
Going with the Flow
I talked with someone recently who didn't want to be stuck with a schedule ... but also wanted not to be so stressed about all the things they needed to do.
One approach would be to have a combination of:
Some things anchored in your day, like appointments and 1-3 regular things like exercise, eating, etc.
A list of what you'd like to do today, put in order of what's most important. With the recognition that you won't get it all done.
Working with the list, you simply start with the first thing, and focus fully on that. Then the next.
If you get interrupted, you set aside what you're doing and fully focus on whatever needs to be addressed. Then pick up that task again at the next time you are free to do so.
One task at a time. That's all we can ever do anyway.
The problem is that we get frustrated:
Things interrupt us and we can't stick to what we were doing
Things take longer or are more complicated than we were expecting
We're not making much progress on some tasks
We're not getting everything on the list done
Some things don't get finished and we have to put them off until another day
These are all understandable frustrations. To go with the flow, we would want to let ourselves sit with the feeling of frustration in the body ... then let go and be fully with whatever task is in front of us.
Feel the frustration, as a mini meditation, for just 20-30 seconds. Then turn towards the next thing, and devote yourself to it with gratitude.
This is what flow is like, and it is practiced, not perfected.
with love,
Leo Babauta
Zen Habits
From https://zenhabits.net/
The Practice of Letting Go
Most of our stresses and frustrations come from our unwillingness to let go.
Hear me out: think about something you're stressing about, or someone you're frustrated about. What thought do you have about that person or situation that causes the frustration? It's often an invisible thought, that we don't realize we have, but if you were to speak it out loud, it would feel really true.
Try writing it out with one of these prompts:
"They shouldn't ..."
"If I fail, it will mean ..."
"I wish things weren't so ..."
Then fill in the blank.
What thought or belief do you have that's causing your stress or frustration? If you can identify that, you are halfway there.
Now think about how true that thought or belief feels to you. It probably feels like absolute truth. This is the part that we're unwilling to let go of — the truth of that thought/belief.
What if you could recognize it as a thought or belief, and not as an absolute truth?
Could you see ways that the opposite might be true? For example, if you think of ways that someone "always" acts in a certain way, can you see any times when they didn't? If it feels like you can't catch a break, can you see times when life gave you a gift?
What would your life be like if you didn't have this belief?
In the moment when you considered that question, you let go.
Notice how that works: you imagine life without the belief, and suddenly you have peace.
What if you could practice it every time you had frustration or stress?
with love,
Leo Babauta
Zen Habits
Transforming Overwhelm into a Creative, Productive Energy
I talk to dozens of people every month — Zen Habits readers, coaching clients and Fearless Living Academy members — who struggle with a feeling of overwhelm from all of the things on their plates.
Overwhelm from tasks, messages, and more is completely normal. It's based on a fear that we can't handle everything coming our way. That we're going to fail at juggling all of these balls, and drop them, and be a failure. It's a fear of inadequacy, that shows up as anxiety.
So what can we do with that fear? What we can realize is that it's just an energy, present in our bodies. We have all kinds of energy: joy, love, gratitude, optimism, sadness, hurt, grief, anger, power, and more.
These kinds of energies in our bodies have a few properties we can notice from observing:
They're temporary. Energies shift throughout the day, depending on what we're going on, how much sleep we got, how people are acting towards us, how we're doing with our actions and intentions, etc.
We create them. It might seem like the energy of, say, anger, is caused by how someone else acted ... but we create the energy of anger as a response to the energy of hurt ... which we create because of how we interpret their actions. That doesn't mean it's a "bad" interpretation, but the point is that we are the creators of our energy.
We can shift them. If we're the creators of the energy, that's good news, because we can then create whatever we want. Have you ever done gratitude practice? It's a really simple practice of reminding yourself of what you're grateful for in your life. Doing this might transform whatever sad or complaining energy you currently have, into gratitude and contentment. That shows that it's possible to shift things intentionally, with practice.
So if we can shift our energy, how do we deal with the energy of overwhelm? There's not one way to deal with it, but I'm going to suggest a powerful practice.
Get present to the energy of overwhelm, in your body. Notice that you're feeling overwhelmed. You might notice because you're either avoiding, or rushing to get everything done. You're feeling anxious about how many things there are. Just pause, and notice how the energy of overwhelm feels in your body. Where is it located? In your chest? What does it feel like? Get curious.
Play with the energy. The energy of overwhelm is just energy — it can feel like fear, anxiety, panic ... but we can also feel it as excitement, adventure, creativity. These are all just labels. How can you use the energy to generate courage? To make you get up and dance? To light a fire under yourself? Play with it, as if it were a fire you could use creatively to whatever purpose you'd like.
In this way, the overwhelm doesn't become a thing that controls us, but rather is something we can feel, love, and use however we like. It becomes the clay for our creative act.
I realize this all might sound a bit weird to some people, but I invite you not to dismiss it, because you'll be missing out on a powerful and beautiful way to work with something that shows up for you regularly.
You get overwhelmed because you care. May you never stop caring.
with love,
Leo
Most people don't realize how much they overthink things. Our brains are amazing tools, so why not use them, right? Because we're trying to use them to solve things they can't solve:
Problems with no right answer. If I asked my brain to decide between a red shirt and a blue one, how would it solve that? "Well, red might stress people out, but on the other hand it might make you seem confident. You wore blue yesterday, but on the other hand blue is your friend Jack's favorite color ... " There's no reasonable way to solve a problem where the real answer is to simply choose from the heart.
Problems with too much uncertainty to know the right answer. Should I invest in crypto today? There's no way for the brain to solve that because there's too many unknowns. You can try to think your way through the uncertainty, but the brain isn't designed for this. Computer models are better, if we can trust the model.
Problems with lots of fear. Should I start this new career that seems really exciting and promising? If I'm terrified of failing, the brain can't come up with a good answer.
For these types of problems, the brain will try its darnedest to solve the problem, but will just spin around and around.
That's why we have decision fatigue. It's a big reason our days are so stressful. It's why things can take way longer than they need to. It's how we become paralyzed by choice.
The practice is to cut through the overthinking.
Choose from the heart. It's a practice, and you won't be good at it at first. Trust the heart.
For complex problems with lots of uncertainty, see if anyone has come up with a good computer model, and see if it can be applied easily. If not, just choose from the heart.
For problems with fear, imagine that the bad outcome wasn't a problem ... then choose from the heart. For example, imagine that it was OK that you failed at this new career, and that you could figure out how to deal with that outcome. If that were true ... what would your heart choose?
Then just act as if you completely trusted your heart.
Take action, simply and calmly. Trust, act, be.
with love,
Leo Babauta