I have been on a spiritual journey for more than 20 years. I have not seen results, per se, but it has felt like my destiny to keep learning. I am naturally curious. My Catholic upbringing never really resonated with me, so I have become a seeker.
When I was in my 40s, I explored a Wicca practice, and as beautiful as my experiences were, I still didn't really feel at home.
I had begun a yoga practice and a meditation practice around that time as well, finding some relaxation in those, but still feeling like there was so much more for me to learn and do. I earned ordination through the International Metaphysical Ministry and the International Holistic Ministry, studying to earn my ordinations, then getting ordained for free online with the Church of Spiritual Humanism, the American Marriage Ministry and the Universal Life Church. I wanted to make sure I could legally officiate weddings in any state in the US.
I drifted from Wicca to the study of Science of Mind and Religious Science to Buddhism, which is more of a philosophy than a religion. I gleaned bits of wisdom from each discipline, but still felt a little lost and like none of them quite suited me.
Over the years, I began to develop aura migraines, which centered around the sparkly auras more than pain, for the most part. I was fascinated by the auras, but they were difficult to navigate, because of the narrowing of my field of vision. I also occasionally would have these "spiritual downloads" during which my body did not work very well. Speaking was difficult and walking felt like moving through quicksand. I would feel normal one moment, then I would get a buzz in my head and just go almost catatonic for the duration of the episode. I tried to call my daughter once during one of these, and she thought I was drunk!
Most recently, I had a dream of an explosion that turned everything white. I woke up trying to yell.
I recount all of this because I just recently had a knowing what all of this has been leading to.
I have been experiencing what I thought was probably fibromyalgia for a few years. It has been intensifying lately. I had a few bad falls over the course of my life (three of them involved injury to my tailbone and one to the base of my skull that I thought may have caused some neurological damage. I kind of assumed the tingling in my extremities was, more than likely, a result of those injuries. But I have never sought medical attention for them. I also have this feeling that my physical symptoms are indicative of spiritual changes, more than something to be attended to by a medical professional. I realize this has been alarming to loved ones. I would never recommend not getting medical attention to anyone else.
A few mornings ago, I woke up feeling like I was burning from the inside out. It felt electrical and hot. I suddenly remembered hearing that kundalini energy can feel like fire, sometimes being called "the sacred flame". Oh, my gosh! I suddenly just knew what was going on! I was experiencing a kundalini awakening. I have been doing lots of research since, and it ties all of the above seemingly random incidents into a kundalini awakening! Just this morning, I even saw a video that explained that injury to the tailbone can trigger kundalini awakenings. Bizarre, but, then again, not so bizarre for my life.
I had been asking spirit for clear signs which direction I should take in life. I believe this kundalini awakening is a big part of this. I plan to follow the plan the Universe has for me. If I had been able to choose, I am pretty sure this would not have been on my agenda. This has been really uncomfortable. But I think the old, inauthentic parts of my personality and behaviors are being burned away. Yay!
I have my significant other supporting me on this journey, and, for that I feel very blessed. Shout-out to Michael Brewer for being there for me even though he may not fully understand or even believe this stuff himself.
I will keep you all updated on my journey but do know that everyone's spiritual journey is completely different. Mine has been long and arduous, and, although I am grateful to finally be putting the pieces together, I would not wish for it to happen to anyone else with this much pain over so many years.
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